Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The beginning, the middle, or the end?

so is my return to the blogosphere....

realizing that I needed a little more prompting for personal development which I had been ignoring for quite a while in my life. You see, my personality type as they call it was/is goal oriented, i.e career oriented and I seldom had time or insight to do personal or character development. I focused too much and too long on studying and accomplishing small( finishing this and that course, this and that school) and long term goals(pleasing my parents and making them proud of me, etc).  This left me almost almost empty inside or oblivious to what was really important.

Over the years going through life and alhamdulillaah(thank God) have been able to take a life changing course on purification of the soul(much  needed) which provided a mirror into my soul.

I had always thought of myself as a pure soul with no rancor, ill regards towards anyone. With no jealousy, hatred, arrogance.... and for the most part this was true. However, I did not realize that often times others did not see me as such( I know it is not important how others see you or dont see you it is how Allaah SWT judges(God Almighty but it is a reflection of whether that pure nature is being tainted or being translated correctly and hence you know for sure if that is who you are).  Different troubles in my personal life would force me on a ledge getting jealous of random stranger's happiness which I would have to put into check because that was not my nature from childhood(or so I wished). Arrogance is a disease that is indeed so secretive that the person him/herself does not realize it until it is broken by the Will of Allaah SWT. It is more work to hate someone than to be indifferent or even forgiving towards them(thankfully I do not think I was ever affected by this disease and I certainly hope I do not get affected by it).

Realizing my shortcomings has been a journey for me and constantly bought books/cd, listened  to lectures on diseases of the hearts and their cures.....and then when all was done and said... I realized I had other battles to conquer....control of the tongue.  They say that your tongue is the key to your soul yet for some people it is not at true reflection of their soul but more of their emotions or their stupidity or their nafs(ego following self). For this reason to control my tongue was the most important battle as the hadeeth(or saying of my beloved Prophet Muhamamd SAW) goes: Nothing causes a person to fall on his face into hellfire more than the harvest of the tongue.

And so I started this blog to check on myself as a timeline to get rid of one character flaw/sin after another..whoever said character development was will be my real schooling...

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